![]() This exchange works as a password, and Charon fords the poets to Limbo, Hell’s first circle, which also happens to be Virgil’s permanent residence. Surely you must be joking, says Virgil, and Charon says “Don’t call me Shirley,” quoting Airplane. Charon, the gondolier, says “No ticket,” to Virgil, quoting Indiana Jones, a hero quest, or quoting Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, a hero quest, which itself quotes Indiana Jones, and whose title references Star Wars, a hero quest, and which at times references a previous movie the same Silent Bob writer and director Kevin Smith created, Dogma, a hero quest, based in large part on Milton’s epic Paradise Lost and Dante’s epic The Inferno. The two pass on and come to the shore of the river Acheron where ticket-carrying souls await their ferry into Hell itself. ![]() The two poets enter the gates of Hell where indecisive souls are chased by biting bugs and forced themselves to chase a low-flying Goodyear blimp forever. Although Virgil’s voice is hoarse, Dante decides it isn’t a viral thing and pulls his mask down. Dejected and terrified, he turns around and meets the dead ghost Virgil, who offers to take him to Hell instead. Having recently watched Holy Mountain, a cult classic, he sees a last light sun-dappled mountain in the distance and he closes that distance and assays to climb the mountain but the pass is guarded by three imperious beasts: a leopard, a lion, and a wolf that is a girl. He can’t find the makeshift sweat lodge the fusion band Soul Jazz is playing and gets lost. At the age of 35 on the night of Good Friday in the year 1300 Dante decides to go glamping in a state park and to have a vision quest.
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